


Bully

by SilverMidnight



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Bullying, Love, Multi, Slash, Suicide Attempt, Suicide Notes, Warning inside
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-15
Updated: 2014-03-15
Packaged: 2018-01-15 19:02:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 9,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1315825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverMidnight/pseuds/SilverMidnight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What happens when a suicide attempt rocks some students? READ THE WARNING!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Warning! This has a lot to do with a suicide attempt and the affects it has on different people. This does have slash in it, but that plays a small part in this story. Do not read this if you aren't ready for it. It is a little too much to handle. There are also 'Good-bye' notes. They are in italic font. Please, be careful when you read this and please review.

_Dear Professor Snape,_

_I know that this was supposed to be an essay on the different uses of leeches, but I didn't really see a point. Not that this class is pointless. It's just pointless to me now. Still, you were my favorite professor and the head of the Slytherin house so I figured you'd want an explanation why I did this. Actually, I'm kind of expecting you to have already thrown this letting into the trash. I have to say it though._

_I'm sorry, Professor. I tried to be strong, but it just got too much. I was so happy about being put into Slytherin when I first got here. Until I realized that I'm a Mudblood and Slytherin's hate my kind. I won't even go into what they've done to me over the past three years. It's not worth wasting ink over. Not that I blame them anyway. It's my fault. All of this is my fault. Maybe I deserved it. The words, the beatings, the pranks. I deserved it all and more._

_Even after I was in Slytherin I thought that maybe I could turn to help somewhere. Or I could find friends in another house. I was wrong. Well, mostly wrong. I did find friends in Luna Lovegood and Neville Longbottom. It's okay. I sent them letters too so you don't have to try to explain this to them. I thought I'd be happy, but I couldn't tell them what was going on. They were so happy and I couldn't ruin that. I wouldn't ruin that by telling them what was going on._

_Anyway, I realized after awhile that the Slytherin's hated me because I was a Mudblood and everyone else hated me because I was a Slytherin. I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't. It just hurt too much. I never thought I'd do something like this, but there was nothing else I could do._

_And all of this has turned into a really long letter trying to explain something simple. Then again nothing's ever really simple is it? All I really wanted to say was that I wouldn't be showing up for your classes or any classes for the rest of…Well, time. You and Headmaster Dumbledore can do what you please with my belongs. None of them matter to me anymore. Not that I'm…_

_I can't really say it. I can't say what I was going to do to myself. But that's just it. This is my only choice. And it's what I'm doing to myself. Not the other way around. I'm to blame for all of this. It's all my fault. All of it… The last thing I want is for you or anyone else to blame themselves for this. I know what I'm doing and I'm going to do it no matter what anyone says._

_At least I'll have some comfort before I do this. The only thing that has ever brought me comfort. Maybe sitting there for awhile will…I don't know…I don't know what I'm really doing anymore. Or thinking for that matter. This is…It's consumed my life. It's all I can think about anymore. That just makes it seem all the more right._

_I really am sorry that it had to be you that I sent this letter to. I was going to send it to Headmaster Dumbledore, but…He had his time filled with Harry Potter so I decided that it would just be for the best to send it to someone that maybe remembered my name. Though I truly doubt that. Anyway, I know you won't read this letter until it's too late. I wasn't sure when he'd read it._

_All of this to tell you that I wasn't going to be in school anymore. I guess I needed to vent more then I thought. Good-bye Professor Snape._

_I'm sorry,_

_Robert Morris_

My heart was pounding angrily in my chest as I finished reading the letter. Never in my life had I thought I'd be reading something like this. Especially from Robert. He was the last person I'd ever thought would write this.

He was a good kid. Smart. Amazing at potions. He would have made a wonderful potions master one day. What was I saying? He would make a wonderful potions master. I just needed to figure out where he was.

My mind quickly went over everything I knew about the boy. He had said he was going to someplace where he found comfort. The only place that made sense was the Black Lake.

I had seen him sitting there many times over the past few years. If that was anything to go by he would be there. Either way it was the only thing I had to go on right now.

Jumping up from my desk I started to run down the hallway knowing that there wasn't much time. If there was time at all. I had to try though. I wasn't going to let this boy die.

Robert didn't deserve this. Many times I had seen the boy being bullied by different students, but I never stopped it. I couldn't. Not without people wondering why I was standing up for a Muggleborn.

As I ran down a hallway I saw Lupin, Granger, and Malfoy. That would make this all the easier. At least I wouldn't have to run to everyone that needed to be there. I could focus on Robert.

"Granger," I said stopping in front of the small group, "Get Headmaster Dumbledore. Malfoy, get Madam Pomfrey. Bring them to the Black Lake. And hurry. Run!"

Seeing Granger and Malfoy take off running I hit Lupin on the arm and started to run. I knew that he got the idea of what I wanted. And that was confirmed when I heard his footsteps running behind me.

Just as we got outside I saw a figure standing at the very edge of the Black Lake. Both Lupin and I froze as we watched the figure dive into the lake. Instantly both of us were running again.

Before I knew it I was stripping off extra layers of my clothes and jumping into the lake. I swam as deep as I could looking for Robert before I had to pull up for air. Lupin was looking around just as I breached the surface.

He shook his head before taking a deep breath and diving back in a second before I did the same. I wasn't going to stop until I found Robert. I just hoped when I did he was still alive.

As I got ready to grab another gasp of air something caught my eye. It was a white shirt. And hopefully that meant that it was Robert. Pushing towards the air I saw that Lupin was gasping for air as well.

"Lupin," I said between pants, "Directly below."

Lupin nodded his head and dove under the water again. Taking another deep breath I went under hoping that it would be simple to bring the boy up. Sadly, Robert seemed to be stuck on something.

Going further down I saw that there was no way to get him up unless I got his pants off. Quickly moving I undid his pants just as Lupin pulled him towards the surface with me behind him.

As we took Robert to the shore I saw that everyone I asked for was already standing there. When we got close enough Malfoy and Madam Pomfrey moved forward and helped pull the boy forward.

"He hit his head on the way down," Lupin said panting as he and I climbed onto the shore.

Madam Pomfrey nodded her head to herself, but didn't look up from Robert's body. Now that I was looking I could see just how skinny the boy was and his legs. They were covered in bruises.

The beatings that Robert had mentioned were worse then I had thought. I hated to think what was going to when the shirt came off. Right now I needed to hear that Robert was alive.

"Severus," Dumbledore said looking between Robert and I, "What happened?"

"Robert tried to kill himself," I said as calmly as I could.

Gasps fell from Malfoy and Granger's lips when I said that. Obviously they hadn't put the thoughts together, but Lupin had. He just simply stared at the unconscious boy sadly.

"He wrote me a letter instead of an essay I had assigned," I said taking a deep breath, "He assumed I wouldn't get it until it was too late. The same with the letters he sent to Longbottom and Lovegood."

"I'll get the letters before they can read them," Dumbledore said nodding, "Poppy, how is he?"

Madam Pomfrey continued to look over the boy. Her wand was waving quickly as she muttered spells that I hoped were making Robert better. Anything to know that he was alive.

"There's a lot of damage," Madam Pomfrey said still not looking up, "The beatings his body has endured. I'm surprised he's been able to even breathe, let alone move. But he is. He is breathing. He's alive."

"Will he wake up?" Lupin asked softly.

"I don't know, Remus. With all the damage that was done and this attempt…I have no idea whether or not he'll wake up. And since this was an attempt at his life I don't know what his mental state will be in if he does awaken."

Silence fell over everyone when she said that. I felt the need to look around the small group to see just what was happening. I knew just how much this could affect the people around me.

Granger was crying softly to herself looking like she was about to fall over at any moment. Malfoy was doing his best not to cry, but I could see that he was just waiting until he was alone. Lupin looked completely numb no emotions on his face, but he was staring at Robert. Dumbledore was the same as Lupin though he was also looking around.

Then there was me. I had no idea what I was feeling. Robert was one of my students. He was a Slytherin. It was my job to keep him safe and I had failed. I had failed to show him that I was there for him. He thought killing himself was the only answer. I couldn't help but blame myself for that.

"We need to get him inside," Madam Pomfrey said levitating Robert, "Come along."


	2. Chapter 2

"Mr. Longbottom," Headmaster Dumbledore said as I and Luna walked into his office, "Miss Lovegood, I am afraid that I have some bad news that concerns the you both."

Luna and I exchanged confused looks before looking back at Dumbledore. It didn't really make sense for there to be news for both her and I. I mean, we were friends, but still.

"It's about Robert Morris," Dumbledore said an air of sadness about him.

My eyes widened when he said that. Had something happened to my friend? No, there couldn't be anything. I would know if something happened. He would have told me somehow. He told me everything.

Robbie was the first person I became friends with when we started school. Yeah, he was a Slytherin, but he was a good guy. I mean, he was a little manipulative, but he never did something to harm another.

Sometimes I was surprised that he didn't have more people as his friends. At least more girls. He was attractive. His black hair falling perfectly messily, his ice eyes scanning the world in ways I couldn't even being to explain, and his alabaster skin so much like moonlight. He was amazing, but I never saw anyone hanging out with him.

I asked him abut it a few times, but he never really talked about it. He never really wanted to talk about anything like that. Still, he was an amazing friend to me. My best friend actually.

"Come with me," Dumbledore said standing up.

Feeling myself get more and more confused by what was going on. Dumbledore was never this serious. Whatever had happened had to be something that was horribly bad.

As we walked through the school I looked around hoping that someone would be doing something that gave me some idea of what was going on. Everything was exactly as it was supposed to be.

We had been walking of almost ten minutes when I finally figured out that we were going to the Hospital Wing. Oh no. Had something happened to Robbie to put him in the hospital?

The door slowly opened revealing Madam Pomfrey. The breath left me when I realized how tired she looked. But before I could say anything Luna gasped softly. Turning my head to her I noticed that she was looking at one of the beds.

"Robbie!" I yelled running to my friend.

The Slytherin looked so out of place as he laid there. It was like he wasn't even himself anymore. He had lost the spark of life that I loved. No, this couldn't be Robbie. It couldn't be.

"Robbie," I said kneeling next to him, "What happened, Headmaster? Is he okay?"

Instead of saying anything Dumbledore handed Luna a letter before moving to me and handing me one as well. I looked at it carefully and saw that my name was written on it. Instantly I knew that it was Robbie's handwriting.

_Dear Neville,_

_I know this sounds stupid and you probably hate me. I don't blame you at all if you do. Actually I kind of want you to hate me. At least as much as I hate myself. I know I should have told you what was going on from the beginning. You would have done anything and everything to help me. That's one of the reasons why I didn't._

_Okay, I should start from the beginning. When I first met you, Neville, I knew I liked you. I wanted so much to tell you that I liked you. That I wanted to date you, but I couldn't. I was never strong enough. And that's what you deserve. You deserve so much better then me._

_Maybe I shouldn't have told you that. Would it have been better if I hadn't told you I had a crush on you? Did I just say crush? It was so much more then that. I guess now that I'm…Well, dead…There's nothing wrong with me telling you this now. Can't ruin our friendship now, can I? I used to dream about us. About what our future would be like. I even…I looked up different ways for a male to get pregnant because I know that you want kids just as much as I do._

_You should have seen them, Neville. There were three. Twin boys and a little girl. We had this house that I own. Well, that I would have inherited when I turned seventeen. I know you would have liked it because it has this amazing greenhouse and all this land where you could have grown whatever you wanted. I dreamt of that place every night. Should I have told you that while I was alive?_

_Oh well, I'm not anymore. I am sorry, Neville. I wish things had been different, but…No, there's no real point in wishing now. Just…Please, be happy. Find someone to be happy with. Just completely and utterly forget about me._

_That's what I want from you. Call it my dying wish. I want you to forget about me forever. I know my name is rather common, but think about something else. Just never ever think about me again. I want you to be happy. And I know you will be now. I know you'll be happy._

_Anyways, I know you'll want to know why I didn't tell you about the beatings or how much the pranks actually hurt me. No one could do anything to stop the Slytherin's from hurting me and you're friends with the Weasley twins. And I know that they didn't mean to actually hurt me. They just didn't like me and, well, didn't really care. I don't blame them so don't hold this against them. Against anyone. This was my fault and my choice. And exactly what I deserved._

_I really should end this before it gets as long as the one I left Professor Snape. Oh well._

_I'm sorry and I love you,_

_Robbie_

My breaths came out as pants as I read and reread the letter my heart breaking with each word. Why didn't he tell me? We could have…I could have…I don't know, but he'd be alive.

Now the man that love me, and I loved back, was lying in bed and I didn't even know if he was ever going to wake up. And in the end it was his own fault that he was here.

No, that was a lie. It was my fault. It was my fault for not having noticed earlier just how much trouble Robby was in. I should have notice. How could I say I loved him when I didn't notice?"

"Mr. Longbottom?" Dumbledore said resting a hand on my shoulder.

"Will he wake up?" I asked barely whispering.

"We don't know. I truly am sorry. But he is alive so there is hope."

"Hope? He tried to kill himself! What's to stop him from trying again?"

"You are. Miss Lovegood, myself, Professor's Lupin and Snape, Mr. Malfoy, and Miss Granger. We're to stop him if he does try again. Just have faith my boy."

I knew that he was trying to help, but right now I couldn't be comforted. Robbie couldn't die. I wouldn't lose him. I couldn't even begin to think of what my life would be like without him.

"Mr. Longbottom, Miss Lovegood," Pomfrey said motioning to the door.

Turning to Luna I saw her clutching her unopened letter. She looked so lost. Luna never looked like that. Moving quickly I walked to her and pulled her towards me before walking out of the room.

Luna let me lead her to the Great Hall without much of a fight. I doubted that she even knew where she was right now. Not that I could blame her. The only thing one my mind was Robbie.

"Luna," I said stopping outside the doors.

"Why didn't he tell us?" Luna asked gripping the letter tighter.

"He didn't want to worry us. You should read your letter."

"I can't. If I read it…It's like I gave up hope. He's going to wake up, Neville."

"Belong together? I know. And I know he will wake up. I know he will."

Luna smiled softly before turning and walking into the Great Hall. Part of me wanted to grab her arm and force her to stay with me, but I knew that right now both of us needed to think.

Walking to the Gryffindor table I saw Hermione sitting there pushing her food around on her plate. The closer I got to her the more I saw just how terrible she looked. Like she hadn't slept at all last night.

I moved slowly and sat down across the table from her. Reaching out I placed a hand on hers. She needed to know that she wasn't alone. And right now I was the only person she could really turn to.

Instead of saying anything Hermione smiled at me and took, what I had to guess, was her first bite of food. Smiling softly I started to eat my food slowly as well. It would do no good if I threw up.

It wasn't long before the Weasley twins were sitting next to us and talking softly to themselves. Every once in awhile though they'd say something loud enough for me to hear. They were planning a prank.

"You think it's funny?" I said feeling the little sanity I had left slip, "You think it's funny to torture people? Do you ever think? Of course not! You think it's all just a game. Guess what? It's not! So why don't you grow up and stop hurting people?!"

Without thinking I pushed what I thought was Fred onto the floor and started to punch him as hard as I could. I knew it wasn't fair or right, but I blamed them for what was happening to Robbie. And I wanted him as hurt as I was.

It was his and his brother's fault that the man I loved had tried to kill himself. They would pay for what they did. At least they would have if Snape hadn't pulled me off of him.

"Mr. Longbottom," Snape said pushing me towards the doors, "I suggest going for a walk."


	3. Chapter 3

"Fred," George said kneeling next to me.

"Get him to the Hospital Wing," Snape said unemotionally, "Quickly."

George didn't bother glaring at the professor as he helped me stand up. Once I was up I saw that the entire hall was staring at me like I had just grown another head. With how Neville just acted maybe I had.

Neville had never acting like that before. He was a sweet guy who never ever did something to harm another. Yet here I was my nose and lip bleeding, my eye already swelling shut, and my head pounding something fierce.

As we walked I tried to think about what he had said. That our pranks were torture. How was that even possible? I mean, they were a little mean at times, but those were restricted to Slytherin's.

"Hello," Headmaster Dumbledore said when we were outside the Hospital Wing, "What happened. Mr. Weasley?"

"Neville Longbottom," I muttered softly.

"Ah, I was afraid of that."

Looking up at the Headmaster I felt shocked. He knew that Neville was going to do something to me? No, he would have stopped him if he thought that he was actually going to hurt me.

"I must ask you to not speak of what you see in there or of what I tell you," Dumbledore said firmly, "Understood?"

Nodding our heads Dumbledore lead us into the Hospital Wing somberly. My eyes quickly darted around wondering what I was going to find only to see that there was only one other person in the room.

I recognized him as one of the Slytherin's that my brother and I liked to play pranks on. Pranks…Wait, Neville said that our pranks were like torture. Does that mean…?

"Merlin," I said taking a step back.

"Fred?" George asked confused.

It was easy to tell that my brother hadn't been thinking about what Neville had said. I couldn't blame him. If he was the one that was hurt my mind would be on him not on what Neville said.

"Like torture," I said softly.

"Fred," George repeated.

"We did this. He's here because of us, isn't he, Headmaster?"

When Dumbledore didn't say anything I felt my legs go out from under me. I would have fallen to the ground if George didn't taken on my weight. Though my mind wished that he had just let me fall.

"His name is Robert Morris," Dumbledore said as Madam Pomfrey walked into the room, "I imagine you know that he's a Slytherin?"

Nodding my head I stared at Robert feeling sicker by the second. This was it. He was going to point out that one of our pranks had caused the Slytherin to be in here. It was all our fault.

Mostly mine though. George loved to make up the pranks. To build them and design them. I was the one that decided when they were used and on who. More often then not he tried to get me to change my mind.

He hadn't liked that I kept going after Robert, today was actually the first time I'd ever heard the boys name. Espeically since I picked him to test our most dangerous and cruel pranks. I never thought I'd say that any of the pranks were cruel in any way.

"Mr. Weasley," Dumbledore said shaking his head, "It's not your or your brothers fault directly. There were many things that lead to this. That lead Mr. Morris think that taking his life was the only way."

George let out a soft gasp of horror as his grasp loosened enough to cause me to fall to the floor while he tumbled back into a wall. Oh, this was so much worse then I had thought.

It was one thing for one of our pranks to hurt someone, but to hear that adding every prank we'd ever pulled on the boy caused him to try to kill himself. I didn't know what I was supposed to feel.

"He's going to be fine though," George said almost begging, "Right?"

"We don't know," Madam Pomfrey said grabbing a potion from a cabinet, "That's up to him now.'

"We have to apologize. It's our fault. We caused him…"

Dumbledore moved forward slowly helping my brother sit on one of the beds. I hated how lost he looked right now and it was even worse because I knew I was mirroring the feeling in my face.

"There was no one thing that lead him to this," Dumbledore said softly.

"But I am to blame for some of it," I said quickly.

"Fred," George said surprised.

"No, I decide who we prank and when. You told me to go easy on him and I didn't. It's my fault he's where he is now."

Dumbledore took a step towards me a small sad smile on his lips. Gently he sat next to George his eyes never leaving mine. This was the most serious I had ever seen him and that terrified me.

"Mr. Weasley, listen to me," Dumbledore said calmly, "Between your pranks and the beatings he was getting from his Slytherin classmates Mr. Morris didn't know what to do. He thought he was alone. Because of this he thought suicide was the only way out. There is no one person or action to blame."

"But I should have…"

"Should have what? You couldn't have known he would do this. But you do realize now what power your actions have over people. You'll think about your actions more, won't you?"

Nodding my head quickly I looked back at Robert and blinked back tears. It was my fault. All of this was my fault. Robert was going to die because I didn't know when to back off.

I would never be able to say that I was sorry either. I knew that there was a war coming. It wasn't that hard to figure out and I knew that in a war people died. I knew I'd have to kill people.

Never had I thought that I would kill someone because of a prank. I still couldn't believe that it was all because of some pranks. But here we were. There Robert was. Alone. Dying.


	4. Chapter 4

"Miss Granger," Professor Lupin said opening his classroom door.

"Professor," I said my arms wrapped around myself, "Can I…Can I talk to you?"

I could feel the tears already building in my eyes as Lupin let me into the room. The door behind me shut and I knew that there was a silencing spell already up. No one wanted what happened to get up.

"Has this ever happened before?" I asked softly.

"Not to my knowledge," Lupin said sighing, "But, as you can tell, everyone is doing their best to keep this under wraps. So, it is possible."

Sighing I sat at one of the tables feeling like the weight of the world was on my shoulders. I needed to talk to someone, but the people I usually talked to didn't know and I couldn't talk to Neville. Not with how he reacted this morning.

I never thought I'd see that. Neville was the sweetest man I had ever known. Him going off on the twins like that was beyond anything that I had thought could possibly happen.

"I don't know what to do," I said taking a shaky breath, "I don't know how I'm supposed to feel."

"I wish I could tell you that," Lupin said sitting on the desk in front of me, "Honestly, I don't know how I feel right now either. I do know that you're not alone in this, Hermione. You might not be able to go to the friends that you normally go to, but you're not alone in this."

Another sigh fell from my lips as I thought about everything that happened last night. Was it just last night? With how many emotions had been playing through my mind I wasn't sure anymore.

It wasn't often that I couldn't focus on my school work. That I couldn't use it as an escape. But this morning…It was like everything had completely changed and I couldn't get it out of my mind.

I couldn't get Professor's Snape and Lupin pulling the boy out of the lake. I couldn't stop seeing Madam Pomfrey leaning over his body doing everything she could to bring him back to life.

"What was his name?" I asked staring into Lupin's eyes, "I don't even know what his name was. I don't even know what year he was in. Did I share classes with him? Had I seen him in the hallways? Or in the Dining Hall? Or library? How is it possible that I don't know him? How is that possible?"

"Hermione," Lupin said shaking his head, "He was Slytherin named Robert Morris. He was in his third year and yes, you did share some classes with him. That does not make this your fault at all. And that does not mean that you could have stopped him.

"But if I…"

Lupin pulled me into a hug letting me cry into his chest. I knew what he was saying was true. At least I knew in my head. But I still couldn't stop feeling guilty about it.

There had to be something that I could have done. Everyone kept saying that I was so smart, but when it mattered where were those smarts? Why couldn't my brain figure out away to help him?

"Those closest to him didn't know. They didn't know. How could you?"

I held onto Lupin like my life depended on it when he said that. I didn't care that no one else saw it. I should have. I should have been able to save him. At least I should have known his name.

"Lupin," Snape said walking in, "Here's your…"

When Snape cut himself off I turned to see him. He looked exactly like he normally did. Until I looked closer at his eyes. Normally he looked like he had slept only a few hours, but this time was different.

Snape looked like he hadn't slept at all. Without thinking I pulled away from Lupin fully and threw my arms around Snape's waist. I knew it was stupid and honestly I didn't know why I did it.

"Miss Granger," Snape said pushing me away gently.

"You've been here longer," I said before he could say anything else, "Has this ever happened before?"

Snape stared at me for a moment before placing a potion on the table. I knew that this was probably the one time that I would be able to see how Snape truly was and I needed that now.

"Once," Snape said his voice low, "I only know of one other time."

"Did they survive?" I asked my eyes wide.

"Yes. They survived."

"Where are they?"

When Snape didn't say anything I wondered exactly what he was thinking. Had he known the person before or was he still thinking about Robert? He had gone to Snape with his note.

"That doesn't matter," Snape said calmly, "The point is they survived and is still alive. That's all that matters."

"But Robert…"

"Mr. Morris will be fine. We know that he is a danger to himself and we know what pushed him to this. With that knowledge we will do anything and everything to make sure that this never happens."

"Before…"

"No one knew before. The person didn't let anyone know. Outside of the Headmaster. And the person begged for him not to tell anyone or do anything about it. Since it was the persons last year the Headmaster complied with his wishes."

Sighing I looked at the ground and nodded my head. I knew that it was bad of me to say, let alone think, but I was glad that Snape knew as much as he did about the other attempt.

"Is he happy?" I asked staring at the ground.

Snape stared at me for a moment in silence before looking up. I thought that he was looking at Lupin, but when I followed his eyes I saw that he was just staring at the wall.

"The person is glad they are alive," Snape said calmly, "Now, have you finished the paper for my class?"

"No, sir."

"I suggest moving quickly. But, and this will only happen this one time, if you must take two more days to finish it. Do so. Go before I change my mind."


	5. Chapter 5

"Take your potion, Lupin," Severus said once Hermione left.

I stared at the ground not quite hearing what was just said. No, I kept thinking about what he had said to Hermione before. The words repeating in my head until they were almost screaming.

"It was you," I said softly.

"Excuse me?" Severus said glaring.

"The person that tried before. It was you. You tried because of us. Because of everything we did to you.

"As always I see the Gryffindor ego is in abundance. Always thinking that things are about them."

Seeing the glare in the Slytherin's eyes I knew that I was right. The only time he was ever this defensive was when someone was getting close to him or close to something he was hiding.

I didn't need him to say whether I was right or wrong. I knew the truth. And the guilt and pain I felt all those years ago came flooding back. I knew I should have done something to stop my friends, but I never did.

After I was bitten and realized I was a werewolf I thought I'd be alone forever. Then Sirius, James, and Peter came along. And I did everything to make sure they'd never leave me.

Now, looking back, I realized just how wrong I was in some cases. It wasn't that my friends were bad people. They just didn't know when to stop. When enough was enough.

"If you have nothing else to say, Lupin," Severus said spinning towards the door.

"I'm sorry," I said quickly, "I know it doesn't mean much now, but I am sorry. I make no excuses for me or for anyone else. I should have known better. I should have stopped them and I didn't because I was scared. You know why now."

"You'll excuse me if I don't believe you."

"Severus…"

The man spun around quickly and faced me anger in his eyes. He looked like he was about to curse me. Truthfully I wouldn't have blamed him at all if he did. Part of me wished he would.

"Listen closely to me, Lupin," Severus said his voice no more then a growl, "If the person was me then there is nothing you could say to make things different. If it was me then the years of torment and 'pranks' would have been easily dealt with as long as someone was there with me. And if I was you I wouldn't apologize for the pranks I'd apologize for making me lose my best friend and the only person I've ever loved!"

Severus turned around and started to make his way out of my classroom. I moved as quickly as I could and blocked his escape knowing that I would never have a chance to say this again.

"Then let me make up for it now," I said almost pleading, "There has to be something that I can do…"

"There's nothing you can do," Severus said his voice no more then whisper, "She's dead now and nothing you say or do will ever bring her back. Take your potion, Lupin."


	6. Chapter 6

"Malfoy," Granger said when I sat next to her in the library.

"Can we talk?" I asked only partially caring if someone heard me.

Granger turned towards her eyes red from crying but there was still a glare. And for the first time since I met her I hated it. I hated that I was the person that her anger was directed at me.

I couldn't blame her though. The way I had been acting. I knew that I was hurting people, but I had never truly thought about what was happening to the people that I hurt. Now that's all I thought about.

The boy Professor's Snape and Lupin pulled out of the lake I knew him. Well, that's not exactly true. I knew he was a Slytherin and I knew that his name was Robert Morris. And I knew exactly what to do to make him cry.

He hadn't belonged in Slytherin though. He was a Mud…A Muggleborn. Because of that we hated him. We beat him and tore him down until he thought that the only way to stop us was killing himself.

"I…I'm sorry," I said softly, "For what I've done to you. To the Weasley family. To Potter. To everyone. I hadn't thought…I wasn't thinking."

Granger continued to glare at me before a soft sigh fell from her lips. I could see that she was having as hard of a time with this as I was. Though I was the person that held the blame.

If I wasn't such a coward. If I didn't follow everything that my Father said like it was the law then I would have…Well, I don't know what I would have done, but I'm sure I would have done something. Wouldn't I?

"Why?" Granger asked shaking her head, "Why do you act the way you do?"

"Because I'm a coward who refuses to step out of his Father's shadow for fear of losing his Mother," I said not bothering to make excuse's for myself.

"Your Mother? What are saying, Malfoy?"

"Look, I can't get into this. It doesn't matter either way. The point is I'm sorry for the way I've acted. Okay? I'm sorry."

Instead of waiting for her to say anything I stood up and made my way out of the library. I didn't really care if she took my apologize or not. Alright, that was a lie, but I didn't have time to care.

Unlike a lot of the students that went to this school I knew what my future holds. Well, I knew that there were only two things that were going to happen. Either I was going to be in Azkaban for the rest of my life or I was going to die.

While I knew that a lot of people thought I believed that He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named was going to win that was my Father speaking. I knew Potter would win and I knew that I was on the wrong side.

Before I could get any further in my thoughts I felt a hand wrap around my arm and pull me into an empty classroom. I spun around ready to duel when I saw that it was just Granger.

"What did you mean before?" Granger asked her hands on her hips.

"Granger…" I said getting frustrated.

"Do you actually believe in what You-Know-Who says?"

"What do you want from me?"

"The truth!"

"No! Okay? I don't believe a single word that snake or my Father says! I never have."

"Then why are you following him?"

"So they don't kill my Mother!"

Granger froze when I said that. All the anger she was feeling seemed to wash away as she started to get why I did the things that I did. Sadly, that was the last thing I wanted.

This was my life and I had known what would happen for a long time. Now I just had to figure out how to deal with that. Especially when everything I possibly wanted was on the opposite side.

"Draco," Granger said softly, "You have to…You need to be on our side. You belong on our side."

"It's not that simple," I said running a hand through my hair.

"Make it simple! Draco, you're going to end up…"

"Don't you think I know? Don't you think that for once I'd like to do something without my Father's say so? Don't you think I have dreams? Merlin, Granger, don't you think I feel anything?"

Granger shook her head sadly as if she hadn't actually thought about that before. I wasn't all that surprised. Her and her friends hate me and everything they thought I stood for.

"You're in love," Granger said stepping closer to me.

"What?" I asked shocked.

"I can tell. The way you said that…You're in love. Who?"

"That's none of your…"

"Who?"

Staring at the Gryffindor I realized there was no real point in fighting her. She was stubborn and when she wanted to know something it was only a matter of time before she knew.

Sometimes I really hated Gryffindor's. If she was in Ravenclaw where she belonged then we wouldn't be having this conversation. Of course, nothing ever went as planned.

"Lovegood," I said turning away.

"You're in love with Luna?" Granger asked confused, "I didn't know you'd ever talked to her."

"I haven't."

A look of confusion filled Granger's eyes before it turned to understanding. I wasn't sure which I disliked more. I just hoped that this was going to be the end. I should have known better.

"I'm going to talk to Harry and Dumbledore," Granger said crossing her arms, "We're going to get you and your Mother on our side. We're going to get you somewhere safe. And you and Luna are going to talk. You need to talk to her."

"Granger," I said holding back a groan.

"Nope, I'm going to talk to them and nothing you say is going to change my mind. Also, call me Hermione, Draco. I think we've come to that step in our relationship."


	7. Chapter 7

"Hey, Luna," Neville said coming and sitting next to me in front of the lake, "What are you doing here?"

"I can't get this place out of my head," I said fiddling with the still unopened letter in my hands, "This is where he tried to…"

Neville let out a soft sigh and pulled me to him so I was resting my head on his chest. Something that had been happening a lot lately. It had been almost three months since that night and Robbie still hadn't woken up.

Everyday Neville and I would visit him and talk to him or read books to him. Robbie always did like to read books. We'd sit there for hours sometimes just reading different books to each other.

But that was three months ago. For three long months I'd been without my best friend. Three months of me blaming myself for what happened. Three months of holding this letter.

I was always a positive person. Believing that things were going to turn out how they were supposed to. With everyday of Robbie not waking up I was slowly beginning losing that.

"Are you going to open that?" Neville asked softly.

"I don't know," I said staring at it, "Do you think I should?"

"I do. Robbie wanted to tell you something important obviously. Read it."

Nodding my head I took a deep breath and started to open the letter slowly. As much as I knew that it was important I really didn't want to know what he was thinking that led him to this.

_Dear Luna,_

_I know that you probably hate me for doing this. Wow, I've written that too much lately. I don't know what else to think though. This is the one thing I know will make my friends hate me. And I'll tell you the thing that I told Neville. I want you to hate me. I want you to completely forget about me._

_I know this is going to be hard and maybe you'll never understand why I did this. Actually, no I hope you never understand why I did this. Because means you understand my feelings and that…That's something I never want anyone to feel._

_There is one thing I want you to understand though. You're the smartest girl that I know. You're not 'Loony' or anything like that. You see things in a different way. A wonderful way. Never let anyone take that from you. Please, don't listen to the negative comments that come towards you. You're amazing._

_I'm tried to keep this short, but there are two things that I need you to know. The first being that you need to keep your heart open. I know that this is a little weird, but you're smart and everything. I just don't know if you're actually feeling things about the people around you. I want you to find your love. I know you don't need to, but I also know you deserve it. You deserve to be loved._

_The second is…Well, it's more of a request. I ask that you take care of Neville. I finally told him that I loved him and now…Well, now I'm not there to know how he's dealing with things. I want him to be safe and happy. Please, take care of him. Help him find someone to love too. I don't want what I've done to keep the two of you from the life I know you deserve._

_That's really all I had to say. Well, besides apologizing. I'm not sure that I can say I'm sorry enough, but I know it needs to be said. Please, forgive me. Or completely forget about me. I'm not picky. Just know that I'm sorry and that you're my best friend and I love you._

_I'm sorry,_

_Robbie_

Placing the letter on the ground I threw my arms around Neville and started to sob. He was right that I was never going to understand why he thought this was the right way, but right now that didn't matter.

I knew that Robbie was a caring person, but now that was coming to full view. Robbie wanted me and Neville to be loved and happy. He just didn't get that we were happy with him.

It was then that I remembered that he wrote of telling Neville that he loved him. Was that why Neville was having a difficult time lately? Because the Gryffindor wasn't acting like himself.

"You loved him too," I said pulling back.

"With all my heart," Neville said his voice almost void of emotions.

"He'll wake up. He has to."

"Luna…"

Jumping up I snatched the letter off the ground and started to rip it up. I didn't care what the letter said or what Madam Pomfrey said or what anyone said. Robbie was going to wake up.

Neville and Robbie loved each other and now that I realized this I knew that they would be perfect for each other. Robbie was going to get better and they were going to have a wonderful life. They had to.

"Shh," Neville said pulling me into another hug, "It's okay."

"How is anything okay?" I muttered against his chest.

"I don't know. Right now I don't really know much of anything. But I do know that Robbie wouldn't want this. He'd want us to move…To move on."

"He's not dead."

"Maybe not. But he's not here either. Luna, it's killing me to say this, but I don't…I don't think Robbie is going to wake up."

"You can't mean that! Robbie loves…"

Before I could finish that sentence Neville ripped away from me and spun around. I could see that his hands were shaking. Maybe he was holding back more emotions then I had thought.

"Don't you think I know that, Luna?" Neville asked tears in his eyes, "I read the future he had dreamed up for us. I dream that every night. I see it every time I close my eyes! I love him so much, Luna. And he wants me to forget him. He doesn't know…He doesn't know… If I start to believe that he's going to wake up any day and I'm waiting for that day to come for the rest of my life…I don't know what I'll do."

This time I pulled Neville into a hug. I hadn't known that this was what he was thinking the past few months. Neville hadn't actually talked about it before now. I understood why.

"I'm sorry," I said hugging him as tightly as I could, "I'm so sorry, Neville."


	8. Chapter 8

"Headmaster," Severus said nodding to me before his eyes darted to Mr. Morris.

Relief filled the Potion Masters eyes for a moment when he realized that the boy was in fact awake. After four months of being in an almost daze I saw my students and the professors come back.

It was a little difficult to believe that it had been four months, it had felt so much longer. Luckily the waiting seemed to be over. That didn't mean that the hardest part was over.

Now we needed to help make sure Mr. Morris never tried to do something like this again. That was going to be the hardest thing. Even now I could see the thoughts spinning angrily in his head.

I had called everyone that had been effected by attempted and asked them to come to the Hospital Wing. Severus, though I knew he had a class, was the first person that appeared.

"Mr. Morris," Severus said walking up to him with his usual swagger.

"Pro-Profess-Professor," Mr. Morris stuttered out.

Severus stared at the boy before sitting on the table and forcing him to look into his eyes. The older man looked so upset in that moment I was unsure about what he was going to do.

Though I knew he would never purposefully hurt someone I knew that his mouth got ahead of his mind sometimes. I also knew that if anyone understood what Mr. Morris was going through it would be Severus.

"Never do something like that again," Severus almost growled out.

"Professor…" Mr. Morris said sighing.

"No, I understand why you thought this was the only way. I understand more then you think."

"You've…?"

"Yes, I have. Now, never think you're alone in this again."

Mr. Morris opened his mouth to say something else when the door opened once more. Turning calmly I saw Neville Longbottom come in his chest moving rapidly while his breaths came out in pants.

"Robbie," Mr. Longbottom said gasping for breaths.

When Mr. Longbottom was close enough to Mr. Morris Severus stood up and took his leave. He knew that the two would need privacy for whatever was going to be said between them.

I moved off to the corner of the room and couldn't help but smile slightly when Mr. Longbottom brought Mr. Morris into a kiss. Those two were going to make a wonderful couple.

"Don't try to leave me again," Mr. Longbottom said pulling back.

Instead of saying anything Mr. Morris threw his arms around Mr. Longbottom. I could hear the soft sobs coming from the Slytherin's lips as he hung onto the Gryffindor like he was going to disappear at any moment.

"I'm sorry," Mr. Morris said between sobs, "I'm sorry."

"Just…," Mr. Longbottom said hugging him tightly, "Don't do it again."

The two sat there holding each other for a few moments before the door opened once again. This time Miss Lovegood walked in her eyes darting back and forth like she was wondering if she should be there.

Her movements were slow, but she made her way to the couple. I watched as Mr. Longbottom pulled back far enough for Miss Lovegood to join their hug. It was a nice sight to see.

There was one thing that was stuck in my head as I watched them. They didn't know the changes that were happened around Hogwarts. They had no idea what this attempt did to people.

Even as I stood here I was figuring a way to get Mr. Malfoy and his Mother out of the Malfoy Manor. It was going to take awhile to find the right solution, but I would get them safe.

I had always known that he didn't believe what his father had, but there was nothing I could do until he asked me to. Sadly, it took this for him to realize it was time for help.

Then there was the Weasley twins. Not one prank had been pulled since the beginning of this. I knew for a fact that they hadn't even thought about new ones or finished the ones they had already started.

They were no longer themselves. I hoped that with time their wounds would heal, but I knew that it was going to take awhile. Maybe once they saw Mr. Morris around school they'd do that.

Miss Granger was slowly coming to terms with the fact that though she has a lot of knowledge she doesn't know everything. That was something she hated to admit more then anything.

I believe it broke her heart to think that she was so close to the boy everyday and there was nothing she could do. It was the first time her knowledge could do absolutely nothing.

"Mr. Morris," I said taking a step forward, "We need to discuss where we're going to go from here."

"What do you mean?" Mr. Morris asked fearfully.

"You did this for a reason. Reasons that I know will not go away easily. In fact, they might grow. You need to talk to someone about why you did this."

"You want me to see a psychologist?"

By the way he sounded I knew that he wasn't happy about the idea. I also knew that there was nothing that would stop me from making him see and talk to someone about it.

"I do and you need to," I said calmly, "Just because you're glad about being alive now doesn't mean that it will stay that way. You need to talk to someone so this doesn't happen again."

"But I…" Mr. Morris said shaking his head.

"Please," Mr. Longbottom said softly, "Just talk to someone. I don't…I can't lose you."

Mr. Morris let out a sigh while running a hand through his hair. I could see that he was having a hard time admitting that he needed help. I also knew he'd do what Mr. Longbottom asked him to do.

"Okay," Mr. Morris said nodding, "I'll see someone."


	9. Chapter 9

_Dear Professor Snape,_

_Yes, I knew you probably don't like the fact that I'm starting a letter like that to you again. Especially since you can no longer read this letter. The first thing I would like to say is that I miss you. After everything that happened third year I thought that I would be more alone then I had been before._

_At least that's what I thought when I first woke up. Then you visited. I can't tell you how much that meant to me. Not that you visited, but what you said. I know now how you could have known what I was going through and I'm sorry that you do…Did. But even though I knew you'd understand I wasn't sure I could go to you. I wasn't sure I was even supposed to be alive anymore._

_Between you, Neville, Luna, and Draco…Yes, Draco is now my friend. Though he and Luna did break up awhile back…Anyway, between the four of you I figured out where I belonged. And while I still have those thoughts. Still wonder if I shouldn't have tried again. I'm glad I'm alive._

_I know this comes as a bit of a shock, but I really truly am glad that you were my teacher. I know that you did everything you did because you had to. You couldn't show us that you were a good person. And you were. You were a good person. Never doubt that._

_All of the years I spent at Hogwarts I had wondered what I was going to do when I was out of school. I thought about being a Mediwizard or an Auror or working for the Ministry, but none of these jobs seemed right. Now that that war is over and everything is said and done I know exactly what I want to do. I'm going to be the new Potions Master at Hogwarts. I actually start at the beginning of next year. I'll also be the Slytherin Head of House._

_I guess I'm telling you all of this because I want you to know how much you helped me. How much you and your actions meant. I don't want you to think that you died in vain or anything like that. In fact, I want you to know how you were my role model. I know that it's a little difficult to understand because we never really talked, but you did. I always looked up to you. I saw how much strength you had._

_It's because of you that I am where I am now. I figured that after all this time if you had that strength then I could to. I hope that I'm making you proud with everything I'm doing. I hope you see that I'm trying. I still have those thoughts. I still have my bad days, but I'm alive and I'm trying._

_Oh, Neville is going to be teaching at Hogwarts as well. Herbology. I don't know why you didn't like him. Truthfully, I don't think I care. I just thought you'd like to know that he and I are still together. We haven't thought of anything past dating, but neither of us really care about that. He's been helping me a lot. He actually took some classes so he'd know what to do if I ever fell again._

_Again, I've written a letter that was a lot longer then I intended. All of this was because I wanted to say thank you. I had hoped I could do this to your face, but I can't…Merlin, I can't believe you're dead. I can't believe I'm never going to be able to say this to you. I don't know if you're ever going to be able to read this. I don't know how ghosts really work though. If you can…I hope you see how much you meant to me._

_Thank you,_

_Robert Morris_


End file.
